Don't Make Me Laugh, I May Pee....or, How The Second Trimester Changed My Mind AND My Body

....and laughing is a necessity at this point.  It has been a BUSY month and we are looking forward to the holiday season with some much needed downtime.  Let's recap:

During the month of September, we sold 1 of our homes in FL, moved to NJ, went to Germany/Poland with my parents....all while working full time, finding a new OB, interviewing dog walkers, scheduling the newborn photographer and trying to figure out how to make left turns in New Jersey.

(There's a blog in my future about "jug handles" and how you have to go right to go left...what the hell?)

Whew.

Besides making left turns, here are som other new things that I'm learning about:

Basements:  I grew up watching scary movies with my family.  Do you know what lives in the basement?  Monsters, murderers and the ghosts of the dead.  However, you know what is in OUR basement?  The washing machine and the dryer....so, what do I do?  I turn on every light in the house and basement and decide that I'll take my big, tough, 100 lb rottweiler with me - just in case Mike Myers is waiting for me with his machete.  Right.  Lucky?  Won't even walk down the stairs.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  Nope....I have to go it alone.  Turns out?  No one lives in our basement - I even took two flashlights (not needed, the basement is completely finished) and a bat just in case.

Needless to say...the clothes are clean, folded and put away.  You didn't doubt me did you?

Baby S gets up daily at 3 am to start his kickboxing routine....after which he becomes very hungry, so if you see my kitchen light on at 3 am, do not worry - I'm just eating.  Again.

Baby S does not like oranges, but I do.  They now make me nauseous but I eat them anyway.  It's sort of like me rebelling against my pregnancy, except my pregnancy always wins.

Pregnancy has made me dumb(er).  No really.  And, you all know how much I hate this.  I pride myself on being able to remember everything, do everything and accomplish everything .... anytime.  Well, the term "pregnancy brain" is FOR REAL.  Matt can attest to having the same conversation with me multiple times, arguing with me about a decision I made yesterday and then reversed today and trying to figure out what nutball topic I will forget about today.

I even ordered a TV stand TWICE online because I forgot I ordered it the first time.  Ya.  One already arrived....and another will show up next Thursday.  Awesome. 

Lucky is taking it all in stride, trying to stay out of the way and is adjusting to having his own couch in the living room.  What?  You thought that Restoration Hardware couch wasn't going to show up in our living room?  Come on!  Now, Lucky has the short couch....and we have a couch that we can actually lay down on.  Problem solved.

There's still much to be done around the new place, but things are starting to fall into place which helps my OCD stay under control.  The good news is that I've almost mastered getting dressed in the morning.  It takes me about 20 minutes longer than it should, but I get it done.  I'm still under the delusion that I can wear my pre-pregnancy shirts and sweaters.  Let's just say that when I put them on, they stop about 1/2 a foot from where they need to be....and no one likes a 1/2 shirt on a pregnant girl.  That's just inappropriate.  So, I'm constantly on the hunt for longer shirts and sweaters to cover up the belly.  The pants are less of an issue thanks to the "bellly band"  and lots of elastic....and honestly....

I may never wear pants with buttons again.

25 weeks

25 weeks

 

If you know my friends, then you know they were less concerned with my "bump" and more concerned about if my butt was expanding to match.  So, I had to prove it to them.  For your ACNers and AWers reading this - my apologies.



We had our 26 week appt on Oct 7 and everything is on track.  I've gained 10 lbs and the doctor would like me to gain another 10-15, however, I have NO IDEA where all of that is going to go.  She listened to the baby's heart with the doppler - to which he kicked at a lot.  (He may need a little discipline already.  He really doesn't like to be bothered and he WILL let you know about it.  Hmmm.  Wonder where he gets that from....)  She also measured my belly and assured me that even though everyone asks "are you sure you're pregnant??" -- I'm pregnant and measuring right on track.

Next up:  Adventures in Baby Furniture, How to Find a Maternity Dress Appropriate for a Wedding (or 2), our Labor and Delivery Class, our Maternity Ward Tour and Breastfeeding 101. 

Matt's head may explode by the time we get to Christmas.

Belly Updates from Poland!

After numerous requests, some nudging and some down right harrassment....here are a couple of photos of the Baby S Belly:

What the hell is going on down there?
(thank you Matt for capturing this moment)

Uhhhmmmm, does this belly make my butt look big?

Rhetorical, people. 
Safety Tip #347:  Do not ever answer this question in any context.

More to come soon....and lots to discuss regarding our (current) trip to Poland and Germany, how Baby S feels about oranges, the big move and how we are working on getting settled in a new place!

Stay tuned!

Well, No One Told Us That.

“What do you mean I can’t get any sun on my back because I can’t lie on my stomach?”

This is my thought as I’m setting up my towel at the beach for the first time with a “protruding” belly.

WHAT?!

I’m from Florida….my tan HAS to be even or I will look like a tourist.

So?

Dig a hole. 

Put belly in hole. 

Commence tanning. 

Shut up.

Someone should write a book with stuff like this.  I mean, you can buy a book about ANYTHING related to ANYTHING these days.  You want to breastfeed?  There 8.3 million books that will tell you when, how and why it’s so great.  You don’t want to breastfeed?  Well, there are just as many books that will tell you that “formula babies” are just as smart, cute and well developed.

But, the real stuff you need to know – like, “hunger comes on in about 15 seconds and you have to eat RIGHT THEN or you turn into the spawn of Satan” – Is really nowhere to be found.

Also?  Can someone explain this INCREDIBLE sense of smell to me?  It’s like a super power!  Except - It’s mostly a curse because I can smell EVERYTHING in about a 10 mile radius of where I’m sitting.  I know you have body odor about 3 days before you do.

Let’s just say that everything does not smell like roses.  Yes, I mean you Lucky Dog.

In most cases, we are happy to learn along the way….trial by error is our new approach.  I have not, however, figured out how to fight off pregnancy hormones and outbursts.  I feel like it’s sort of what being bi-polar feels like (which some of you know).  LOL!  Whooo….I make myself laugh. 

Anyway, one minute – I’m peachy…the next minute? Satan. 

I’m mostly just a “fat,” bi-polar, bat-shit-crazy super hero with the worst super power ever. 

This? Right here? ….is why you should be married when you get pregnant.  Someone should be bound by LAW to be nice to you because you will lose friends.

At a full 21 weeks….Baby S is a kicking, punching, back flipping machine.  You can pretty much feel him tumble around at any given point in the day.  Matt felt it for the first time last week.  It kind of freaked him out.  I mean Matt – not the kid.  (“What is IN THERE?  Doesn’t that hurt?!”)

Baby s isn’t the only one moving and a shaking, either.  We have lots going on around here!  If you didn’t already hear or know yet – we sold our house (yay!) and are moving!  Our Labor Day will be spent loading up the PODS …..

…..making Lucky comfortable….

and heading here:

As soon as we get settled in….let the baby/nursery frenzy begin!

Also?  Because we currently own a 2 seater sofa…that Matt doesn’t fit on, we are in the market for a new couch.  Our current obsession?  This 112’’ sofa from Restoration Hardware.  It's so deep that when my feet dangle.  YES!  This couch will allow us all to pile up and take a snooze together if we so desire.  I just hope Lucky doesn’t roll on top of the baby like he does me. 

If I have my way (J), it will arrive sometime in October. 

Also arriving the first part of October…. My Mom Mobile!  Ours will be black, but you get the idea.

(BMW X3)

....and the reason for ALL of this change is located in this photo…inside that ever growing belly.  He’s not even here yet and our lives are turned on end, but we wouldn’t have it any other way!

(21 weeks, gained 5lbs total)

Yeah, I know.  I don’t look that pregnant (or so everyone tells me), but I swear – the dr says I am and there’s a heartbeat in there! 

And, I’m awfully hungry/cranky/nesting-obsessed to NOT be preggo. 

uhhhhm, are you gonna eat that?

So You're Saying There's a Chance?

As the baby boy grows, so do our panic induced thoughts:

What if we can’t get him to sleep?

What if he’s not a good eater?

What if we can’t get him to stop crying?

What if Matt drops him?

What if Lucky lays on him like he does me?

What if he’s a jerk?

What if we don’t like him?

Or WORSE:  What if he doesn’t like me?

Oh, wait – that’s not actually possible.  I’m a totally likable girl.  Right? 

Don’t answer that.

Well, I at least have the food....and that's gotta count for SOMETHING with him.

What if he doesn’t like sports?  And, even worse – what if he doesn’t like GOLF?!

What if he doesn’t like the Rays?  I am thinking that he won’t like the Yankees.  And, although, we will adorn him with LOTS of Yankees attire…he’ll be too smart to like that franchise regardless of the number of championships, Matthew.  J

He will obviously like the Seminoles or I will give him away.  (I kid.  I kid.  Sort of.)

And, of course - we’ve all known he was in there somewhere based on the ultrasound pictures, but he decided to let ME know that he was in there this week as I finally felt him doing his little backflips and climbing the walls.  It mostly feels like gas, so it's hard to tell sometimes. 
Oh.  Was that too much info?  Whatever.  These are the facts, people.  Pregnancy ain't tulips and rose petals all the time. 

Either way, he's super active every day, which I have a feeling is only indicative of what is to come.

The weight gain is here…as we knew it would be!  The belly is sort of out there….enough for people to do a double take with that “is she fat or pregnant?” look on their faces. 

I’m not fat.  I’m pregnant.  I need a sign to wear around my neck.

 (18 weeks)

 I’m still trying to convince Matt to be a part of photos, so for now – you only get me being goofy as I get tired of the normal side view shot of my belly!

 

There are still lots of crazy pains and pushes and pulls going on inside of me, but I’m told all of that is normal.  And, we still don’t have a name yet.  There are front runners, but nothing definitive yet.  We don’t plan on keeping it a secret once we decide, but it may take us until he’s born to actually decide!

With a move on the horizon, we haven’t done anything as it relates to nursery or prep….besides register for the 8.7m things we think we “need.”   (and buy a bunch of funny onesies!) 

I will post pictures of nursery setup activities (read: me strangling Matt while putting together a crib) as soon as they start!

We hope y’all are doing well and looking forward to Baby Boy Schneider as much as we are.

Love.

Also?  Odds that the kid won't stop crying? ...... So, you're saying there's a chance?

Frogs, Snails and Puppy Dog Tails....and Caterpillars?

If it wasn't enough that we got pregs on the "first try"  (i.e., the first month that we pulled the goalie, uh, so to speak?)....now Matt is all proud that he has created another penis for the world to enjoy.  Because he needed another ego boost right?  ;)

Yep, Baby Schneider will now be known as Baby BOY Schneider! 

We already had the puppy dog tails (sort of - Lucky doesn't really have a tail, but he tries hard)

.....and I love frogs (Don't ask, it's a tomboy thing, but Matt is always grossed out when I chase them and pick them up in the yard.  It is what it is, people.)

....so we are very happy about a little boy coming to join us.

And, wouldn't you know it?  We had a girl name ALL lined up....but can't decide on the boy name.  I guess it always works out that way.

We had our full "anatomy scan" today, Aug 1, where they measured all of the limbs, checked for the 4 chambers of the heart, checked the kidney function, gall bladder function, nasal bone/nostrils, pinky bones (absent pinky bones can sometimes mean a genetic defect), etc, etc.  Our little man passed with flying colors and is even tracking 5 days ahead of schedule, even if my weight is still a bit behind. 

I'm thinking that I'm going to balloon to blimp size (just call me Goodyear) in the 3rd trimester, so you heard it here first.  This "you're underweight" nonsense is TOTALLY going to backfire on me eventually.  Damn it.  How can I be underweight when my pants don't fit?!  Right.  That's apparently because I have gained weight in my belly and lost weight in my brain.

In any case, check out our little man!

Profiles....

Hello!  I am  here!

And, here...is a kick in the belly with my little baby foot!

 

Here's my belly.  It mostly looks like I ate too much, but I have proof there's a baby in there.

Boys mean bugs...so we are going with a caterpillar theme from Pottery Barn Kids: 

Which brings me to my next point.  Babies need LOTS OF STUFF.  Holy crap!  We almost had a mental meltdown in BuyBuyBaby on Saturday....with the strollers and the car seats and the crib mattresses and the mattress pads and the pack and plays and the boogie wipes and the .... well, you get the point.  And you think you need everything.  Luckily, the people at BuyBuyBaby know what you need....and will tell you which one to register for.  Those people were our saving grace.  Seriously. 

I needed a BIG martini after that trip. 

I am still waiting.

Multitasking Runs in This Family

I am not sure when I finally figured out that there is a life inside of me, but it may have been this day (July 8):

It climbs the wall:

And it climbs the wall and sucks it's thumb at the same time (total multitasker!)

I was amazed....literally amazed and this thing...the size of a peach, climbing the inside of me!

Speaking of me, I only want to eat chili cheese dogs, peanut buter and strawberries, but am trying really hard to mix in veggies and other good stuff for Baby S.  I'm also in that super awesome phase where my clothes don't fit and maternity clothes are too big.  Soooo, I mostly just need a tent or a lot of elastic-wear. 

Here's me at 14 weeks:

There's no need for bare belly shots really....as that just gets weird and it's not so much my style.

Next Appt:  Aug 1!  From there we will schedule our "anatomy ultrasound" and find out the sex of our little peach!

The Miracle of Life...or, "Confessing Your Sins of the First Trimester and then Moving On"

Well, well, well....There IS a baby in there! 

Hold the damn phone....that looks like a lima bean to me.  And, what the EFF is a "yolk sac" ???

Yeah, I had the same response, but that little lima bean had a heart beat at 6 weeks (around May 20th) ....and was using that yolk sac for nourishment while the rest of my body prepared its home for the next 9 months.

Whoa.

For the first 12 weeks, I swore that I could just be constantly hungover and not really pregnant at all.  It's SHOCKING how similar the symptoms are.  Seriously. 

Matt only had to pick me up off the floor once....and honestly?  That was enough.  You know how I get about my independence and not needing any help.  Guess how that is working out for me right about now? 

Matt has been a SERIOUS trooper though. 

He didn't even try to leave me when I threw the laundry basket (full of clean, folded clothes) at him for "hiding" my stuff from me.  (read: he put my belongings in a drawer because we had a house showing the previous day) 

He diligently went to the pharmacy to get "allowable" nausea meds at midnight.....and then force fed it to me complete with Coke Zero chasers.

He didn't even yell back at me when I freaked out about Lucky's lack of dog food treats.  (because, at the time - it seemed VERY important that Lucky have the exact kind of treats that he likes....and Matt just didn't see the importance)

He didn't even drag me off the couch where I was fast asleep when we still had a mile long list of "to do's" at the house before it went up for sale in early May.

Nor did he complain once when I wanted not one, but TWO chili cheese dogs in one day.  (because somehow that was the only thing making my stomach feel better.  wierd.)

I only broke down in public once.  Thank you, Leah, for telling me that it was ok to cry and to breathe (and to expect more breakdowns in the future).  And, thank you for reminding me that Lucky doesn't push my buttons because he knows I'm at the end of my rope and he's waiting for me to hang myself.  He's the dog...and he's just being his normal, pushy self.  Thankfully, I got past wanting to leave him at the park by himself that day....and I brought him home in the car with me.  I did, however, hold a grudge for the rest of the day.  Period.

I spoke to my mom almost every single day of the first 12 weeks.  We like her a lot.  She's had babies.  She's lived to tell about it.  And, honestly?  She's Sue.  She does not sugar coat, but she does encourage and that's what I needed.

I know this all sounds like the "normal" me (minus the crying in public part), but the "pregnant" me is waaaaaaaay off the charts, best I can tell.  The word "insanity" may not even begin to cover it all, but we take it in stride and we do the best we can...and we laugh A LOT about it later. 

Like, now.  :)

Did I mention that Matt is amazing and should be praised for his calming nature?  Yeah, well, it's true.  I love him and I'll keep him!