Confession Wednesday: I Needed to Make a Change.

Confession Wednesday?  Is that a thing?  Well, now it is….so here goes:

You already know this, but I gained some weight when I was pregnant with Beau.  I gained more than I needed to and more than I should have because it came off so easily after the first pregnancy.

Six months after Jack was born I was 5lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight.  5 lbs is not a lot therefore, I didn’t focus on it. 

Then, Matt looked in my direction and I got pregnant with Beau.

Fast forward to January of this year when I returned back to work….and I was now 10 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight.  The FIRST pregnancy.

But somehow, most of my clothes fit (although differently, let's say) except for this one section in my closet.  The size 6 section.  I kept that section because I knew one day, I’d be tired enough of buying new pants that I’d do something about it. 

And then it happened.  We got the pics back from Beau’s 1 year old photo session.  And I saw this:

Yep.  It's a beautiful photo of my incredibly cute family.  That's not what I saw though.

I zoomed in on the picture and said “who is that?” – WHAT is going on with my face and my arm?!  I looked at Matt and asked (demanded) – “IS THIS WHAT I LOOK LIKE?  I don't feel like my face looks like that in real life.  Is this for real??  This isn't real.”

Poor guy…he just stared at me with a blank look “Babe….You grew two people inside of you! I love you no matter what”

No. No. No. No. No. No.

I KNOW they grew in side of me....but I bounce back from these things (uhm, pregnancy?) fairly well.  Or I did.

This is not what we agreed to.  If I was to bear the children, I was to maintain pre-pregnancy status post children arrival.  These were the rules that I made.

I didn’t feel like I looked in the photo.  I felt embarrassed and sad.  And tired and unhealthy.  And FAT. 

Yep.  I finally felt FAT.  So, there you have it -- in all my vulnerable glory.    

And then? 

I snapped.

I literally - right then - texted my friend Kristi at StrongEight Performance….and I told her my story. I was an college athlete for God's sake.  THIS VERION OF THIS BODY IS NOT MINE.  

For me, it wasn’t about anything except those pants….in that one section of the closet.  I knew if I could get back there and stay there….that I would be fine.  But, how hard would it be?  How much time and effort would be required?

I needed the accountability.  I needed someone to ask me why I thought it was acceptable to eat a cupcake for lunch.  I needed someone to say “did you workout today?” and guilt me into doing it when I wanted to make an excuse.

"FIX THIS" .....I told her.

And she did.  And I did.  And it’s done. 

I’m on day 90 of this journey to a healthier lifestyle.  It’s actually surprising to me, but because I feel better in about 1000 different ways.  

I don’t make excuses like I thought I would.  I have a demanding job, a husband and 2 toddlers.  None of those qualify as an excuse. 

I don’t crave the bad food like I thought I would.  

I don’t feel tired and sluggish and like a need a nap all the time like I thought I would.

I don’t paleo…I don’t “cleanse”…I don’t crossfit…and I don’t diet.

I take every opportunity to move. 

I take the stairs 10 flights to my office 3-4 times/day.  Plan for it to take you an extra 5 minutes to get to your meeting downstairs.

I run my kids to school/daycare in a stroller or I pull them behind the bike. 

I walk to and from the hotel when I’m in Detroit.

I don’t eat cupcakes for lunch.

I flip tires and swing kettle bells and attempt to do insanely hard plank position ab work.

I log every single piece of food that I eat.  I do that to create the accountability.  If I don’t want to log 

it – then I don’t eat it. (nor drink it, for that matter)

I don't measure food.  I log it.  This means that I eat what I want....and at whatever quantity, but I'm AWARE of it and what I need to do in the gym to counterbalance.

I drink vodka/tonic sometimes instead of red wine. 

I jump rope and bike my kids around town and race Jack around the block.

I log every single move that I make, because if I ran 2 miles – then I'm getting credit for burning those calories and I'm eating more if I want/need to.

I get in every single step that I can find – every single day.  It’s like a competition with myself. 

I block time on my calendar to exercise - even on Saturday and Sunday.  And I don't let anyone book over that time.  That's for me.

I don’t give in to peer pressure to skip workouts or eat badly.

I hang around people at work and at home that want to stay as accountable to their health as I do mine.

I don’t feel deprived of my favorite foods like cheese, nutella and Mexican food in general.

Today, I’m proud to tell you that I not only lost the 10 lbs, but I lost 15 total (so far) and I’m in those 

size 6 pants and they are too big.  I had a colleague ask me today if I was wearing my dad’s pants.  It made me beam with pride, but also make an appointment with the tailor.  (damn)

Here I am today....15 lbs lighter and happier/healthier than ever.

 

So, if you thought you couldn’t do it – or you thought it might be daunting – YOU CAN and IT’S NOT.

In 90 days, you will wish you had started today.

Go.

Beau Needs a Leash, Halloween and Gender Equality

Beau needs a damn leash.

Seriously.

Is this a thing?  Do other moms think that about their one wild child?  We thought Jack was crazy...but then Beau started walking.  He is BEAUZILLA, y'all.

*stomp* *stomp* *stomp*

He will tear through this house tearing things off walls, pushing over chairs and barreling through Lucky, the Rottweiler.

And -- He doesn't want to be held!  He will literally dive head first out of your arms, push off your chest, stiffen up, scream or climb over your head and down your back to get out of your arms. 

Forget a stroller unless he's tired....which he never is.

He can walk and he wants to walk.  He's frighteningly independent and demanding.

All of you need to stop laughing, smirking and nodding your heads.  Just quit it.

He needs a leash.

It's a good thing he's so cute.

We have really been enjoying this fall weather.  And by "fall" I mean 80% humidity (instead of 120%) and 70 degrees (vs 95).

Thankfully, "fall" made it in time for Halloween since Jack decide that he wanted to be a Cheetah.  He kept asking us "what is the fastest animal?"  We would say either a puma or a cheetah .... and then he wanted to see them race to prove what we told him.  He's a "trust but verify" sort of dude.  And, since we watch all sorts of random zoo animal videos on YouTube....seeing a puma and a cheetah in a 100m dash seemed like a completely normal request to him. 

"Cheetah Jack"

For actual Halloween, he was Spider-Man, of course.  "Spider-Man Jack" to be exact.

Showing Beau how it's done.

Jack....you are wearing a mask...stop lurking...people will get the wrong idea.  They aren't home!

Up to no damn good...these two....Brenny and Beau!

Fellow supa hewoes, Brenny and Jack!

 

We get these boys outside a lot to run down their batteries....and we are lucky enough to have kiddos across the street from us and some good friends with kids the same age to help with the tiring out process.

Brothers on our run/walk home from school and daycare.

Big Head Fred.

Jack catching his first fish at the SPYC fishing tournament!

Typical Sunday for Beau

Typical Sunday for Jack

Preschool is a trip.  

Is anyone else as shocked as I am at what 3 year olds know?  I'm not talking about Jack, in particular, but all of them!  Did we know our ABCs, 123s (to 100!) and how to argue our requests/cases at THREE?  I don't feel like we did.  I feel like I'm still working on counting correctly, some days.

Jack is doing really well though - thriving, minding, learning, helping, making friends and coming home to tell us all about it.  He's been getting his "high five awards" each week and we like to celebrate those because we know he works hard for those.  He loves his teacher, Mrs. Silk, who says "He's very task oriented, very organized in his thoughts and actions.  He walks in and immediately wants his list of things to do so that he can check them off and achieve his goal/high five award for the day."

I don't know where he would get such a trait.

More from school:

Guess who dressed Jack that day?  Yes, Jack did.  #PickYourBattles

"Walrus Jack"

Guess who the giant kid is in the middle? Yes,  that's Jack in the blue shirt.

Recent Jackisms:

*visiting Shelly, our daycare provider*

Shelly: "Jack, do you want another brother or a sister"

Jack:  "yes, a sister"

Jack: "we will name her Gabby"

Well, I'm glad that is already planned out.

*while cleaning up the playroom*

Jack:  "Mom,  you know how Beau's milk comes out of your nostrils?"

me:  "um, you mean 'nipples'?"

Jack: "Yeah, yeah.  Those.  Cows have those too.  Can we get a pet cow?"

No.  We can not get a pet cow.  Thank you for asking.

Jack learning about cows at school...hence, the nipple/nostril confusion.

*watching college women's soccer on TV*

Jack:  "Why are the girls playing?  Girls can't play soccer"

me: "Hold the phone, why not?"

Jack:  "Girls don't play sports"

Oh you think so, kid?  Momma's got skills you've never seen before!

*playing with his "supa hewo" Little People*

me: "Oh cool, you have them all lined up ready to save the day!  Wait.  Where is Wonder Woman and Super Girl"

Jack:  "They don't count"

Me:  "Uh, why not?"

Jack:  "Girls, Momma.  Girls can't be supa hewoes"

Allow me to show you my cape.

If he keeps on....he'll be getting broccoli and green beans in his fancy lunchbox.

  

Milestones, Family and Normal Things

When I'm at red lights or on planes or standing in line somewhere WITHOUT my phone buzzing in my hand, I often recollect on the insanity that is family, parenthood and motherhood.  I have a little giggle to myself about all of the things that moms and dads know are just a normal part of parenthood....dirty hand prints on white walls, poop as a normal topic of conversation, sleep struggles, eating struggles, hitting, biting, pushing, backtalk, penis/vagina discussions, etc, etc, etc. You may not have experienced all of those, but you've at least experienced SOME....and THEN SOME.

We are on a new routine around here with Jack being in preschool and Mary no longer coming down to help out every week.  Luckily, we are still able to all sleep until 7am (yes, I know many of you are up MUCH earlier than that for commutes).  But once the little car light turns green?  

All hell breaks loose.  

(yes, somehow this contraption is being taken very seriously by my three year old.  The alarm is set for 7am - which is when the red light goes off and the green light comes on.  That's when he knows he can get out of bed.)

It's literally a three ring circus until we get out the door at 8am....and Matt does it alone for three days every week.  He's great at it though -- patient, calm, firm.  Every now and then, though, we have a Jackism type of morning....

It's 7:10...Jack is getting himself dressed (thank God for this kid who likes to do this and is usually good at it).  Matt is at his sink/mirror shaving.  I'm just stepping out of the shower, drying myself off when Jack walks into our bathroom.

Jack:  *very worried* "Mom, where's your PENIS?"

Me:  "Well, mommies don't have penises, just daddies."

Jack:  "Oh, that's right.  Have you seen daddy's penis?"

Me:  *smirking*  "Yes.  Yes, I have."

Jack:  *stretching his arms just as wide apart as he can* "It's SO BIG, Mom.  I mean, REEEAAALLY big."

Matt: *silent, yet smiling from ear to ear while still shaving at the mirror*

Jack:  "And, he swings it back and forth like this" *swinging his whole body from side to side*

OMG.

You just can't make this stuff up.

I really believe that taking care of these two little crazeballs is very much like taking care of my drunk friends in college.  So, in essence, college prepared me for life....just not necessarily the part I thought it would prepare me for.  So many of the conversations are the same as they were back then:

Why is the floor sticky?

Why is it when you want me to hold something that it's always wet?

Where are your shoes?

You need pants.

Do not kick your brother in the chest.

Do not squeeze your brother that hard.

Yes, I know you love him hard.

Beau - get out of the water bowl. It's not a splash pad.

You can not wear a sweater to school. It's August. In Florida.

Do not scale the stairs. You can barely walk.

Why does it take you 30 minutes to eat a piece of toast?

YOU NEED PANTS. 

Needless to say, we had a fun summer with lots of pool time and ..... fun with Grandma.  Mary took Jack on all sorts of fun adventures everyday.  They went to all of the museums in the area, gymnastics, the beach and even on (boring) errands like the grocery store and the dry cleaners.  Honestly though - Everything is entertaining with Jack talking to you!

 

Sometimes you just need to hang by the pool with pool rings on your head and a cold beverage. #SummerTime

Milestones are everywhere these days....and as I'm working through the emotion of weaning Beau from breastfeeding (THANK GOD we made it a year), Jack is starting preschool and getting a big kid room.  It's a lot for even a somewhat new inexperienced momma to handle.  There are days that I still feel very new to all of this...but I guess that feeling never goes away as you experience new things with your always growing kiddos.

 

 

We are a full fledged pre-schooling family now though....complete with making lunches every day, car lines and new friends.  I was super nervous for Jack to start school.  He's always super polite, a good sharer and does well in new environments...but has an angry streak the size of Texas in him when you tell him no to certain things.  And, good luck trying to figure out what those certain things are.  Upon his first pickup after school he told me "I made new friends, I ate my lunch and I took a nap."

Well, I guess I can't ask for much more than that.  #SuccessAtThree

"Momma!  I saved the day at school today!"

Jack also got an updated room to go with his updated new preschool life.  He's officially a big kid with a big kid bed.  Again, with the #tears.

 

Meanwhile, back at the ranch -- Beau Bear is turning ONE (#tears)....and we had some family photos made to mark the milestone.

 

  

 

He's become the new version of "wild man" as he's into everything, very demanding (give me the FOOD, lady!) and will yell at whoever he needs to get what he wants.  Where Jack was cautious, Beau is scaling the side of the house.  Where Jack was a snuggler, Beau is all business (1. Breast. 2. Crib.  Thanks, lady.).  Where Jack is tentative SOMETIMES, Beau is full speed ahead and is walking, teetering and falling everywhere.  

Do not consider - even for a second, that he will want to be held or strapped into something.

Not. Happening.

He walks, walks, walks....but mostly like a tiny drunk person with his hands above his head or holding on to his sippy cup.  When he gets super excited he walks really fast and leans his big head forward....and tumbles right over his feet.  It's only funny when the glass door isn't in front of him.  #HeartAttacksByTheSecond

 

 It's been one wild year of ups and downs and turn all arounds.....breast pumping in random places, arguing with TSA about their own rules on breastmilk, learning how to baby-proof our house on STEROIDS, teaching Jack that Beau isn't QUITE big enough to tackle yet (and then trying to explain away the tackle/choke hold move that Beau tries to put on Jack), lots of penis talk, super hewoe dress up time, Jack and Beau's scooter/tricycle time, skinned knees, Seminole game fun, Disney time and lots of love.