All That Matters

Boys.

Lots and Lots of Boys.

There are smells in my house that I am not sure about.  It never fails that they all point to the other one when I ask "what is that smell?" -- I'm convinced even Lucky is in on the joke.

Bodily functions are all the rage in this house.  Potty training is slow though.  "When he's ready, he will" is what I'm told.  Well, he better hurry up because I'm going to have to start buying Depends instead of Pampers soon.

We clean a lot of toilets around these parts....because when Jack chooses to use it, he mostly misses.

So, there's that.

I think things are going well, but sometimes I can't tell.  I can't see the forest for the trees.  The boys are thriving....and Matt and I are surviving.  

Parenting....it's all joy and no fun.  (no, really, there's a whole book about it by Jennifer Senior)  Everyone probably has their own take, but the book is about how children reshape our lives - for better or worse.  It's stressful and fun and joyful and stressful.

"We are furiously improvising our way through a situation for which there is no script."

WORD.  What SHE said.

Jennifer's take is similar to my own....parenting isn't always sunshine and rainbows.  And that's ok.  I don't remember pre-children marriage being that way either.  And I CERTAINLY don't think back on my single days as constantly blissful either.

(She also has an interesting Ted Talk regarding how lack of paid leave in the US adds to this ever stressful existence of being a parent.  I'm thrilled and lucky to work for a company that offers 16 weeks of paid maternity leave, so I really can NOT complain.

In some cases, we are thankful that kids give us this new outlook and desire to show them the world....and in other cases, we'd rather be at the St. Patty's Day parade drinking green beer rather than the toddler soccer field.

There's certainly give and take.

Friday night pub crawls have been reduced to a beer and a glass of wine between us laughing about all the crazy things that Jack said....or how sweet and happy Beau is.

Saturday “sleeping in” has been replaced by babies in the bed and cartoons on the TV by 8 am, but the snuggles are so sweet.  The kicks in the face?  Not so much.

All Joy.  No Fun.

  

It wasn't fun signing up Jack for preschool this week.  I got choked up when the nice lady was taking his paperwork and telling me about how the teachers will take care of him.  No, no, no, no, no.  *I* will take care of him, lady.  Me.  His Momma.  I don't want them to take care of him because I don't want this.  I don't know what I want, but I know it's not a picture of my sweet, small, very young three year old walking down a school hallway and into a classroom.

Except that.....I know it's what he needs.  And he will love it.  And I will love watching him love it.  And I will shed my tears and mourn his aging without him knowing...like my momma likely did for me.

All Joy.  No Fun.

We've moved on from toddler basketball to toddler soccer.  It's the same sort of chaotic thing that you know all about already.  Jack is bigger than the other kids, not quite sure how to control his body and gets pushed around a little, which is good for him.  Although, some Hulk-like kid pushed him down last Saturday.  I *almost* flew out of my own skin.  He handled it well...and didn't actually punch the kid in the face, which is what I was likely doing at his age.

I *did* have to tell Meme not to coach Jack to push the other kids when they push him.  LOL.  Lord Have Mercy.  If you tell Jack that - he WILL sock them in the face and take the ball.

*control the rage, people....control the rage*

All Joy.  No Fun.

Lots of people ask us about why we go to Disney all the time.  First and foremost, one of the greater joys of parenting is watching your kid's head explode in excitement over Mickey Mouse.  Secondly, while it's a lot of prep work and a long day trip, Jack's level of enjoyment outweighs any work that we put into the day.  Matt and I love riding the rides with him and hearing him ask to do it again and again and again.  Nothing is funnier than him asking to see Elsa.

"Momma - We go see Merida.  She pretty. Then I shoot the bow."

All Joy.  No Fun.

  

So pumping on the road is an adventure.

(If there are men that read this blog - Scroll through this section if you don't want to read my funny stories about breastmilk extraction, packaging and transportation.  It's a hoot.  Pun intended.)

I was at an off site meeting a few weeks back.  One of my managers coordinated with the on site facilities manager to have a place for me to pump and store the milk in the freezer in my thermal bag.   Everything went really well....until the end of the day.  The catering manager happened to be at the end of the day happy hour and very loudly asked me why I didn't want to eat his food.

Me:  What do you mean?  I ate the catered food for lunch.

Catering Manager:  Then what's in the bag in my freezer?

<please don't do this sir>

Catering Manager (even louder):  Well if you're going to store something in my freezer, then I should know what it is.  So WHAT IS IT?!

<please don't make me do this sir>

Catering Manager: Hello?

Me:  Well....  It's BREASTMILK.  You happy now?  It's breastmilk in the freezer.  I pump 6 times a day to feed my infant son at home in Tampa.  So, there.  It's BREASTMILK.

*drops mic*

Guy Standing Next To Us:  Come on, man.  Did you have to keep asking her??

Complete and utter mortification is the only term I know to use to describe the look on his face as he started to back peddle and apologize.

Me:  No need to apologize.  I'm not the one who's embarrassed.

All Joy.  No Fun.

TSA has gotten a lot better now that they know they'll see me each week.  I go to the same line every week, so as to develop a little consistency...which has helped.  There were some bumps though....like Spring Break week, new TSA agents and a gaggle of college guys behind me in the security line.  I was desperately trying to hold on to my "I used to be a cute college girl, but now I'm a cute professional girl" thing that I thought I had going....right up until the TSA agent engaged in *this* conversation:

TSA agent:  (loudly and with unnecessary authority) Ma'am - You realize that you can't take this through security?

Me: (quietly) Ummm, no - why not?

TSA agent:  Because you can't take liquids (laughing)

Me:  (quietly) It's all frozen.

TSA agent:  Well you're going to have to explain to me what it is.

Me:  (quietly) breastmilk.

TSA agent:  (loudly and with unnecessary authority) Ma'am - You're going to have to speak up if you want to make it through security today.

Me:  (*totally lost it*) IT'S BREASTMILK.  Ok?  It's breastmilk.  I'm a breastfeeding mother of two and it's three days worth of frozen breastmilk.  108 ounces to be exact.  I'm a milk factory.  So, there.  Can I go now?

TSA agent: yep.

Me:  (raising my hands to the college guys) WHAT?!  Move on.

All Joy.  No Fun.

The boys though...?  The boys are SO FUN.  Check 'em out:

Beau is my little piggy baby, but has been sitting up with ease since right before his 6 month birthday.  He's in the 95th percentile on weight and height, which he'll need to be in order to hang with big brother Jack.

 

We are already seeing signs of crawling.  I know he's desperate to keep up with Jack.  His whole face lights up when he hears or sees Jack so I know he's anxious to get moving.  Me, on the other hand, is not so excited about that....where did the time go? *sniffle*

Jack is loving having Grandma hang with him on Wednesdays after gymnastics!  They go to the beach, to the park, to feed the birds/fish, to the pet store and to run errands.  He loves the one on one attention!

All Joy....and lots of fun too, folks....because at the end of the day, this stuff...right here:

....is all that matters.

Here's What I Know.

Family Selfies are not a perfect science.....but here we are!

I read an article the other day about what mommas before me DIDN’T warn me about.  

It talked about all the things that you are warned about when  you’re pregnant (no more “me” time, no more alone time with your husband, puke/spit up always on your shirt, always being tired, no time to wash your hair or shower, etc).  

But what about all the good stuff?  Well, the mommas before me always told me “you’ll see” – even my own momma ingrained this saying into my head “you’ll know when you have your own.”

So I started to think on that a bit….and, boy, do I know now.  Literally.

I know about a love that I didn’t even know existed.  You guys remember how much I loved my dogs, Damien and Daisy?  I used to compare that love to what my other friends knew about having children.  The truth is – you have no idea until you have your own.  NO IDEA, people.  I know I’m preaching to the choir, but it’s so nice to be able to look at other mommas and know that they know that same love too.

I know about a joy that makes my heart explode every time I watch a toddler tee ball or toddler basketball game....even if it's total chaos!

Or that joy when your infant son “finds his feet” – whoa!

"uhm, hey lady - did you know that I had two of these things??"

I know my heart smiles when Jack wants to “send Meme a meem mail on the puter”….

Or when Jack “MAgot” something (i.e., forgot)…  “Momma – you magot my iPad!”

I know about my OWN excitement when Jack asks me to play with him (“Mom – you play supa hewoes?”)….or the energy that runs through the house when DAD and Jack play supa hewoes.

....and the joy of Beau trying to figure out what is going on!

I know that horrific feeling of being a “non-present” parent when my three year old says “you put phone down.”

I know about pain and hurt when my child hurts.  It's like no other feeling.  Even the smallest of things that concern him - concern me.  We gave up the pacifier for good....and it's been REALLY going well.  He only mourned the loss for a night (no tears, just sad faces and concern).  I mourned it with him as he said goodbye to this object that represented his infancy.

Now, if he'd just sleep again.  That would be neat.

(Is he the only kid that talks to himself and his stuffed animals for HOURS before passing out??)

I know of no bigger frustration than when your toddler talks back….or YELLS back.  

*do not smack the child*  

*walk away from the child*

I know the true feeling of "momma bear" when bigger kids pick on Jack.  He tends to fend for himself just fine, but I have to hold back every ounce of my being not to hurt a little kid for hurting MY little kid.

(Lord, give me the patience and strength)

I know of true rage (and comedy) when that same three year old makes his "angry face" at me by scrunching up his nose and putting his hands on his hips and tells me "you're not in charge, momma!"

*never let them see you laugh when you're supposed to be serious*

I know of no bigger confusion than my toddler who doesn’t mind sitting in a dirty diaper.  Here’s the thing (that you already know): until they care about NOT sitting in a dirty diaper, there really is no potty training…….  We tried the other way around and he trained us to ask him or take him potty every 45 minutes.  That worked REALLY well, but the one or two times I “magot” to set the timer – he just went in his pants….and he didn’t mind.  SO.  When he’s tired of that, he’ll have to let me know.  I hope it’s prior to his 15^th birthday.  

I know about the feeling of RELIEF that these two boys of mine love each other (for now?).

  

I know about a happiness that transcends all of the negative things I was told about having babies.

I know about a love for a man that makes it all work for our family.  That love has strengthened over the years as we’ve added to our family and I see the way that he takes care of us all.  We may not have a typical family.  I don’t think we WANT a typical family.  We may not do it the way your family does it.  But, it works for us….and our family, careers and lifestyles.  

People have funny reactions when I tell them that I travel.  Yes, I travel for my job.  I find that it gives our family a nice balance.  Seriously!  I know that my awesome husband needs a couple of days without me in his ear…..a couple of days with his boys and no momma around to make a mountain out of every molehill or scratched knee.

I get lots of reactions about how we may or may not be feeding Beau, so I want to say…..  Yes.  I travel.  And I pump milk for Beau 7 times/day while I’m on the road.  I freeze it and I take it through TSA security without issue and we use it without fail.

Is it hard?  Yes.

Is it worth it?  Yes.

Did I over think it and stress out about it to the point of creating a “breastfeeding tracker?”  Yes.

Do I worry about it all? Yes.

Will I be glad when he’s a year old and I stop breastfeeding?  I’m not sure.  Maybe.  Maybe not.  We will cross that bridge when we get to it.  I will likely mourn that loss just like I did when Jack moved on from breastfeeding at 13 months.

I know about a desperate need to find balance that works for me and my love and partner in crime, Matt.  We take it day by day – and only plan a couple of weeks in advance so as to keep the calm.  I travel Tuesday-Thursday right now and Matt’s mom comes down to help with the kiddos while I’m away.  This allows Matt some balance in the mornings/afternoons for work.  It’s hard right now, but once Beau is a little older, can sit up and eat more solids – it’ll get easier.  I don’t want to wish this time away though….because I know I’ll want it back in an instance.  I may not enjoy the stress of Monday mornings, but I sure love all the smiles, giggles and good times on Saturdays and Sundays.

I know that my heart will never be the same.

-------------------------

From our latest Disney Trip:

  

Both the boys had a "birthday" this month....Jack turned THREE and we celebrated with lots of family and friends at the Zoo.  He had a blast and decided to only eat icing for an hour.  He was awake for days.

 

We flew on Jack's ACTUAL birthday so he wore his hat and his shirt and got LOTS of attention from the pilots and flight attendants.  He was so proud!

And, our little Beau Bear made it 4 whole months with the circus and I think he has decided that he likes us.  We sure do love that kid!

There's Always Something, but We Love It

Sweet #BabyBeau

It's almost that time.....that time when I return to the real world, and, (GULP) work.  Yes, yes, yes...I'm returning to work soon and the reality is coming hard and fast.  EEEEEEK.  It's one thing to make a family of four work when one parent is solely at home....I *feel* like it's another thing to do it while both parents work full time jobs.  Plus, Jack is now getting into some extra curriculars, so it's getting complicated.  Have we discussed his tee-ball skills?  No?  Check it out:

Total Yankee material...like immediately, right? 

That's what I was thinking too.

He starts basketball next month....and I can't WAIT to see him dribble the basketball.  O-M-G.

Meanwhile, we've made the most of maternity leave with Disney fun, Seminole games, Halloween outings and a trip to Pensacola.  Here's how it all ended up:

Beau's first encounter with the Minnie Mouse.

Becky and Beau at Disney

Jack's approach to meeting Jake.  Have you ever seen anyone more excited??

 

My mom made this trip with us....and it was definitely a full day of activities, meltdowns and typical Disney good times. :)  Notice who's holding the map?  Always trying to be in charge.  I wonder where he gets that amazing trait.  #LeanIn, kid....#LeanIn.

During our trip to Pensacola in November, Jack was definitely in for a lot of new experiences.  First up, was picking cotton.  It took us a long time to explain what cotton was, why it grew there, why it was white, why the big tractors picked it, why it was rolled into big rectangular bails, why we couldn't take it all with us and what it was used for.  It was both entertaining and exhausting.

This was AFTER we convinced him to just GET OUT OF THE CAR.

We did NOT have to explain much about the Veteran's Day Parade.  He loves a good parade and he took right to that concept, complete with marching bands and beauty queens throwing candy.  Small town life.  Love it.

Then, there were tractor rides....

....there were boat rides...

...and a little "earning your keep"...

This video about sums up our time at Camp Mayo:

We also met my Dad, Sharron, Lisa, Brian, Leah and Baby Jett at the Pensacola Naval Aviation Museum.  The place is awesome and if you have a little three year old with a lot of energy...it can help burn off MULTIPLE hours of steam.  Seriously.  Jack ran, jumped and climbed on everything for about 2.5 hours.  And when he wasn't moving...he was asking questions about the planes.  Again, both entertaining and exhausting.  I'm not sure who needed a nap more....Jack or Matt?

 

 

Baby Beau and Grandaddy (my Dad).

Contrary to the pictures above, Jack was NOT Spiderman for Halloween.  He was actually "Captain Jack Sparrow"......arrrrrrrrrr!!

Here's a little gimpse as to what an (almost) three year playing looks like: 

  

He took 1/2 a second to take a selfie with Momma

As always, I've drug (dragged?) my family to as many FSU games as they could tolerate.  It's always fun once we are there...it's the coming and going that's a real pain in the ass.  Truth be told, of course.

Sometimes, we even break bread with the enemy....  Ash (Virginia grad) and us!

Beau says "We're #1!"

#NoleFam

Jack and Beau continue to do very well together.  Jack asks about Beau almost as soon as he wakes up every morning.



They continue to thrive and learn new things every day.  Jack is learning to use the potty more consistently...Beau learning to sleep more consistently.  True to form, I can only assume that I'll be changing Jack's diapers when he's 15, though.  Just like I thought he'd never walk...I just assume he'll never be potty trained either.  

The struggle is real.

99% of the time, Jack is awesome.  He's sweet, loving, compassionate, polite, caring and he's a hugger!  He hugs strangers and breaks down barriers.  He's a lover.

But that 1%?  That 1% will eat you alive if you aren't ready for it.  That 1% will blow up an entire room and change his mind on a DIME.

That 1% will tell you to "go away, momma" or "go home, meme" or "go talk to momma, dadda."

Seriously?  You can't tell me to go away, kid.  I'm going to be all up in your business for the next 50 years.  So, you better get used to it.  I'm going to be all over more than just how much sugar is in your juice box.  I've got something for that 1% bipolar terrorist/jerk thing you've got going.....so watch yourself, kid.

That struggle?  It's FOR REAL.

Beau is getting better about sleeping, but at 15.5lbs and only 3 months old....he's just hungry all the time.  The doctor says "oh he can make it 8 hours without eating" -- right, lady.  Come on over at 3am when I've stuck the pacifier back in his mouth for the 400th time....and he subsequently throws it at me and tells me to sit down in the rocking chair.  He's in 6 month clothes and I'm anticipating the introduction of solid foods soon as I'm praying that will tide him over through the night.  

The struggle is real.

It's always  something, right?

Jack at 6 months.....Beau at 3 months.  Same sleeper...same sweet smile.

Beau had his first cold .... and his first experience with the nasal aspirator or "snot sucker" as we call it in the biz.  The parenting biz.  I think Beau is still giving me a little bit of the cold shoulder for that thing, but oh well.  It's an ancient tool, but it works.  He's still happy and thinks he's so big....trying to stand up constantly!

11-27-2014

This is sort of how the evenings roll around here....notice that Beau doesn't even flinch when Jack is yelling.  God love him....he's in for a real treat when he figures out that his big brother is a bozo.

(don't worry, there's no full frontal nudity in this one)

SO, we tackle 2 kids and 2 full time working parents (one that travels each week) starting next week.  I don't travel until the new year, but it's going to be a lot to handle for a few months until Beau is a little bit older.  Matt and I are a team though and we are ready to take on the challenge.  Sometimes the good comes with the bad and that's just life.  Making our careers work with a family is a priority for both of us, so we work at it every day.  Anything worth having or experiencing is worth working for ..... because there's always something to worry about, plan for, overcome and/or enjoy!  

In the meantime, coming to a mailbox near you:

 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Next Up:  The Holiday Run Down & How We Are I Am Surviving My Return To Work.