We're Going Man to Man Defense.

I started writing this while in my 7^th week of pregnancy….in that dreaded first trimester. 

The worst part about the first trimester, besides the morning sickness, aches, pains, gas, constipation and constant peeing is that you can’t tell anyone about it (not that you’d want to).  People are left to think you are tired, hungover and/or lazy.  And, if you’re any regular on this blog site – you know I like to share my feelings, emotions and fears.  So, the first trimester is always the hardest for me.

Also?  I’m not a great pregnant person in the first trimester.  I’m (more) irritable, (more) irrational and crazier than usual….and, to those that don’t know any different, it’s all without warning.

I’m so sick of myself.  I’m sick of being sick.  I’m sick of talking about being sick.  I’m sick of using it as an excuse for what I can’t do well right now (mostly hold down food and form an intelligent thought).

What they say is true though….you forget these things.  God makes it so that you forget how horrifying the 1^st trimester (and birth) is so that you will do this again.  I can remember (now) breaking down when I was pregnant with Jack….claiming that I wasn't strong enough for this….and that I had made a mistake in wanting children….and that my body wasn't cut out for this.

Yet, I stand her today telling you that we willingly and knowingly did this again.  On purpose.

I've had all of those same thoughts again, folks.  I’m not strong enough for this.  Nausea every single day, 24 hours a day for 8-12 weeks is not for the weak.  It’s also not for the working or the ones who already have a child that likes to run and play horsey and tackle you like you’re a running back trying to cut up the sideline.

The thing about the first trimester is that it completely overtakes your mind in such a way that you can’t function like a normal human being.  And, this folks?  This is worrisome to a high performing career oriented human being….who depends on her BRAIN to make sure she stays at the top of her game.  But….There are days that I can’t formulate a sentence, I’m so nauseous.  There are days when the vibrations of Matt’s words floating through the air make me nauseous (or maybe that’s just marriage?).  There are days when the sounds of the tapping of my OWN FINGERS on this keyboard make me want to hurl. 

Oh, the smell of scrambled eggs.  You have got to be kidding me already.  Stop cooking eggs, people.  YUCK.

I can’t make this stuff up.  My body hates being pregnant in the first trimester.  And I hate it too.

I cry about everything – and I hate crying.  Do not even get me started about what the “mom” commercials do to me during the Olympics.  It’s not pretty.

Everyone is feeling the pregnancy pinch these days though.  Jack says he “doesn't want it” (well, too late, kid).  Matt has on his trooper hat and is doing EVERYTHING in his power to make me happy and not sick, even if that means getting me multiple chili cheese dogs/day.  As for me….I just focus on trying to figure out ways dress this (eventual) bump in such a way that says “if you didn't put it there, then there’s no need to touch it.”  To date, I've been unsuccessful.

My thoughts and fears are all so different this time around.  I’m less worried about dropping the baby, changing diapers and feeding the baby….and more worried about how this baby is going to change the dynamic of our family.  What if Jack doesn't like him/her?  What if *I* don’t like him/her?  I mean, how can I possibly find more love for another child?  What if I can’t handle two children?  I mean, if you've met Jack then you know he is ALL BOY.  He will tackle you.  He needs a bit more discipline in his life.  He is spoiled.  He is my world – and I meant it to be that way.  I've never loved anything or anyone like I love him.  And, his life is about to drastically change – and what if he hates me for it???  I won’t be able to handle it.  I’m terrified that my relationship with my most favorite person in the world is about to change in the worst way.

I remember feeling this way in my first trimester with Jack….and thinking that I made a mistake in getting pregnant and that I didn't want to be pregnant anymore because I wasn't sure how it would change my relationship with Matt.  Well, it did change my relationship with Matt….in the most amazing and unexpected way ever.  So, I know THIS baby will do similar things for our family. 

My mom and my good friend Amy (total expert mom of 3) tell me that we are giving the greatest gift ever to Jack – a sibling.  I believe it.  I just dread the first few weeks of adjustment.

Here’s the good news:  I’m headed into the second trimester now and I’m feeling somewhat like a human being again.  I really excel at the 2^nd trimester.

 

I’m ready.  Are you?

Let’s do this.

Back Up Mommy (and Lucky...and Time)

It's been an incredibly busy 3 months since I last posted, but I feel like a) that's true for everyone and b) I say that A LOT.

I just need time to slow down...or back up, on occasion so that I can make sure that I soaked it all in.

I will tell you that moving across the country was hard enough when we just had to worry about the dog.  Moving across the country with a toddler, a gigantic truck, 3 cars AND the dog?  Completely Absurd.

Jack was very impressed by the "biiiiig truck"...and we were equally impressed by his packing skills (I'll just wear this helmet and hold my bat and hat to make sure we don't forget them.)

 

Let me clarify...the movers were aaaahmmmmmazing.  They packed our entire house, moved all the boxes/furniture/etc and loaded/unloaded it all.  I even thought I wanted them to unpack for me.  Until they did.  And they just took stuff out of boxes and - rather than putting it away - they laid it.  Everywhere.

August 23 - 20 Months Old

To tell you that September was busy would be a complete understatement.  After we moved and unpacked a minimal amount (thanks to Becky!)....we attended the FSU home opener where Jack figured out by the 2nd quarter that there was FOOTBALL going on right in front of him.  As soon as that realization occurred, he turned into the football fan that I knew he would be... yelling "gooooooo" and "ohhhhh" and making his grunting noise when a big hit happened ("oogghhh").  It was hysterical to watch him really get into the game and the big hits....right until one of the FSU players climbed up the wall and almost into our front row seats.  That did not go over well with Jack at all.

With Meme and Gooddaddy

Jack's version of "4" for the 4th quarter.

  From the Maryland Game:

Completely passed out after cheering on the Noles to a 62-0 win over Maryland.  He passed out in the 4th!

Party Animal!

 I'm not sure if we've discussed yet, but it should be noted that Jack only wants to be outside ("OUUUsigh").  So much so that Jack has taught himself how to crawl through the doggie door in order to get outside when the door is locked.  The dog won't use the doggie door, but our toddler will.  What the....  

Luckily, Papa Bear (aka, Matt) likes to be outside too though-- so they do all sorts of fun things outside together.

They race the dump trucks:

 

They investigate insects.

It's so fun to watch Jack discover new things....the curiosity and amazement that Jack has over things that we all take for granted is mind boggling sometimes.  This encounter with a caterpillar was easily a 25 minute Q&A session.

And, ants?  Oh don't let Jack see an ant running around.  That's it!  Jack must know where he's going, what he's doing and who his momma is.  That kid of mine is so nosey.  He totally gets that from Matt.

   

In completely unrelated news, Jack was also in his first wedding (Christine and Kurt!) this past month.  Jack celebrated Aunt Teen all day with his Auntie shirt:

At the Rehearsal

 We've reviewed previously, but Jack?  He's a hugger.  Here's a play by play when you ask Jack for a hug....

  

   

So Jack was a ring bearer....and I'm not gonna lie -- I was worried about him making it down the aisle.  Between a little teething, a good "terrible 2" session and complete reluctance to put on his tux, I was certain that this was all going to end in a total meltdown for the ages.  

As with most things related to parenting -- I was wrong.  And, so happy about being wrong!  He did wonderfully!  He carried his golf club and followed the big kids down the aisle....even stopping to take a few practice swings, just like his Schneider genes would suggest. 

 

 

These pictures, this age, these smiles....make me long for time to standstill - or back up a few hours, days, weeks...and let me relive it.  Let me soak it all in again.  Let me not worry about if his bowtie is straight (because no one noticed anyway).  Let me squeeze him to my cheek again, because he'll be 16 tomorrow and interested in other things (and people) besides his momma.

Dancing with his cousin Bridget...right before he put her in a choke hold.

The following day, the family fun continued for Brennan's birthday.  We visited a corn maze - Jack's first - and he seemed to enjoy himself...even getting secretly scared by Matt jumping out of the cornstalks at him.  He thought that was hysterically funny.

 

 Somewhere in the midst of packing, learning about caterpillars, moving, FSU games, stalking families of ants, unpacking, getting settled and celebrating Christine and Kurt's wedding....Jack turned 22 Months Old (Sept. 23).

Sept 23 - 21 Months Old

And, somehow - we made it through most of September and October without many debacles, except for Jack's new phrase.

"Back Up, Mommy...Back Up"

I'm sorry.  Pardon?

The only good thing about this is that he's somehow picked up on me telling the dog to "back up" -- he's seen the dog respond and has figured out that I may also respond in the same manner.  Nice correlation, kid, but not so fast.

So I ask again....pardon me?

But, but...you need help with that yogurt that you are getting all over your face everything.  You need help taking a bath.  You need help sitting on the potty.  You need help with your shirt.  You need help navigating the stairs.  You need help reading that book.  You need help climbing that ladder and sliding down that slide.

Oh.  You think you don't?  You can't tell me to back up, kid!  I made you.  I carried you on the INSIDE OF MY BODY.  I worried about you before you were even born and then so much AFTER  you were born.  I nursed you 1000 times/day (because from the beginning you were a piggy baby) and nurtured you and held you (that one time) when you were sick.  I wipe your tears and your little butt and the dirt off your hands.  I kiss your boo boos.  I would walk through fire for you.  I love you more than life itself.

So, you can't tell me to Back Up.

But you did. And you do....and have forced us into learning the art of disciplining children while holding back laughter and rage and confusion and emotions that we didn't even know we had about you.....because every time I hear those words "Back Up"...and it's coupled with your little hand pushing me back....

I just grit my teeth a little, grumble under my breath, shake my fist toward God...and consider calling my mom to apologize.

~~~~~~

My Loves.

...and the world...spins madly...on.

As I sit here, surrounded by boxes stacks of things waiting on the movers to pack,  I’m getting a bit nostalgic about a house…a town…a state that I thought I hated.  It’s our last week in New Jersey and I can’t help but be flooded with all the memories we’ve made here.  Afterall, this is where the best thing that ever happened to us entered the world slightly unexpectedly that "normal" Friday evening.  And whether we argue that he’s a “Florida boy” or a “Jersey boy” – I brought him home *here* -- in this house, in this neighborhood next to awesome neighbors and near his New Jersey family.  He slept all alone in his crib that very first night in his room upstairs.  I secretly slept on the floor next to the crib, checking his breathing every 15 minutes.

We have so often felt like our life was on hold while we were here…but now I’m not sure why we felt that way.  We have been LIVING it all this time!  Watching and enjoying Jack grow up with all sorts of crazy experiences…traveling…teaching Jack about seasons, wild bunnies in the yard, golf, planes overhead, Valley Forge, golf, how to hate the Philadelphia Eagles, insane traffic, shipyards, the Yankees, NYC, the Liberty Bell, golf, cheesesteaks, "real bagels," and everything that NJ, NYC and Philly had to offer.  We tried to take it all in while we were here.

Jack took his first steps here…in this house…that I swore I hated.

His first birthday party was in that dining room where the light hangs too low and I hit my head.

And, while he’s been all over the place (even to multiple countries, y’all!)…his entire existence so far is wrapped up in this house….in this town…in this state…that I thought I hated.

This place…is where I created, fostered and enjoyed relationships with *my* New Jersey family.

….it’s where we made GREAT friends right next door. You know those types of friends – the kind that are more than just “can I borrow some sugar” friends – but lifetime friends that you can always relate to (“oh your kid has dirt all over her face/body/hair too?  Excellent.  So does Jack.”)

…it’s the place where *I* learned about seasons.  I do love a good brisk fall morning where I can wear my skinnies and boots and a big, comfy sweater.  There’ll be none of that in Florida.

…it’s the place where I learned about *NOT* traveling…and how there’s a balance to EVERYTHING we do in life.

…it’s the place where Matt got bitten by a dog (that is SO for another blog).

…it’s where I learned that I really do just prefer a manual shift car over a big SUV.  (Sorry, X3…but I’m getting back to my 335, but will opt for the 4 door this time.)

…it’s where Lucky learned to love the boarders as we traveled all over to see family and friends during our two years here.

This place…that I thought I hated…has become to mean so much to me….as I face leaving it. 

This is where Jack first learned to swim and love the pool and ocean.

It's where we learned that Jack LOVES "big kids" and all that they represent...fast running, fancy soccer footwork and swinging very high on the swingset!

He said his first words here...duck, hat, truck, doggie ("ruff ruff!").

We discovered here that Jack was a hugger – like his Southern family roots suggest….and has hugged his neighbor/big sister Rosie every time he has seen her since he started crawling.

I will miss my sister in law, Christine….and how she’ll drop everything to hang with Jack or meet me at the mall.

I’ll miss the Jersey Shore.

Jack is going to miss Loudy (Loudon)…his 6 year old neighbor/big brother….who he absolutely cries for every day when we get home (“see Loudy”… “Loudy” … “LOUDY!”)

I am sad that Jack’s Fridays with Grandma are coming to an end.

I know Matt will miss being so close to his Dad and seeing him so often.

We will all miss the Turning Point…our favorite brunch place, where we always have a seat.

We’ll miss how close Haddonfield is to our house…and walking down “main street USA” on a nice 

Saturday morning.

I will miss my mother-in-law and all of her amazingly sweet friends.

Jack will definitely miss the “choo choo” train (aka, the PATCO train).

I will not miss how I need to remember to bring a bottle of wine out to dinner. 

I will not miss the potholes that go to the core of the Earth or so it seems.

I will not miss the NJ turnpike.  I don’t know how anyone gets anywhere in a timely manner by using that roadway.

I will not miss the horrifying vortex that is Wegman’s.  It’s the store that is busy no matter what time of day 

or day of the week.

I will not miss the cold winter.  I just…will not.  And, since I’ll still be traveling here a little….I’ll get to experience your winter and scrape ice from my rental car windows. 

And, while there are some things we won’t miss – we appreciated our time here and the opportunity that it provided for me to be home with Jack and Matt.   

Thank you for being so nice to us, New Jersey.  You’ve grown on me…and not many things do.

Please, Thank You and ... Peace Out?

We've got a lot going on around these parts!

We are in the middle of closing on our home in St. Pete....

We are super excited!!  Come visit!!

....in the middle of a major project at work (what else is new?)....

....and learning our pleases, thank yous and...well, our "peace outs" - which really sounds more like:

"peeeeaaassse"

"tank koooo"

and 

"peese awww"

What's funnier than a 19 month old throwing up a (half) peace sign with a "peese awww" ??  Come on, that's way better than your run of the mill "bye bye" !!  The kid has a serious personality.

We've also discovered our love of Bruno Mars:

When the music comes on, he just starts to wiggle his arm a little bit and then it's like the music takes over his whole body section by section.  He has this special dance move....where he drags his left leg like it's his bum leg.  We've been trying to get it on video but I'm sure you can imagine what that's like.  

Since our last update, we've been on a few airplanes (shocking), did a few stints as single parents (each), visited the Jersey Shore, went to the US Open and saw the Yankees play the Rays at Yankee Stadium!

My two most favorite Yankees.

Jack managed to sit through the entire game as long as we kept feeding him.  Yep.  He's still a great eater and a great sleeper.  I'm nervous to have another child as I'm unclear on how to handle a child that won't do one of those things....or neither.  (you can't be serious....you have to eat OR sleep...you can't be hate both, can you??)

There have been occasions where Jack has eaten more than me at mealtime.  This concerns me and my (in)ability to cook.  Someone has to feed this kid...and it's all fun and games until he's wanting steak and potatoes every night.

   

Jack also experienced Pensacola and all that it has to offer....complete with boats, beaches and a kiddie pool big enough for adults!

 

  

You know what's NOT as cool as it seems?  Touching a fish....as evidenced by this horrible face:

 

Granddaddy B even showed Jack how to jump in mud puddles and enjoy a little downpour:

As if it wasn't enough that we live and die by the game of golf in our house, we spent Father's Day Sunday at the US Open.  I swear the kid has golf in his blood.  It just comes natural to him.  All he wants is that golf club and a ball.  And if I can get him to stop hitting me in the shins with that plastic club by the time he's using a real club, this will all work out.

 

 

And while I know he loves golf (almost?) more than me, he also is my child....and loves the beach.  This is really how I know he's 51% Matt...and 49% me.  Matt hates the beach, but Jack and I - we love it.  Although, I'll be honest - the beach is not what it used to be for me.  I used to be able to roll out of bed, into my swimmie and my flip flops, grab a towel and some chapstick and GO.  I'd then proceed to sleep on the beach for 2 hours until I was crispy...take a dip in the water and "air dry" on the ride home with the windows down.

Let me tell you how different THIS TRIP was....OMG.  Do you know how much crap I drug out to the beach??  I was up super early cutting fruit, packing snacks and juice boxes, making sure we had shovels and dump trucks and buckets, finding tiny folding chairs, locating and maneuvering toddler sized flip flops onto feet that never stand still and loading this massive amount of stuff into the car.  Oh, and don't forget the regular stuff you need...diapers, wipes, the iPad for Mickey Mouse Club in the car and the 1 binky allowed.

You can't be surprised that golf made it to the beach can you?

  

 

Baby Powder.  Don't forget the baby powder.  It's the only thing that will clean off a sandy little butt.  Well, unless you're Jack and you love to hang out naked under the public outdoor shower.

(yes, he will HATE ME for this when he's 16)

Next stop....ST. PETERSBURG.

Peeeese Awwww!