Beau Needs a Leash, Halloween and Gender Equality

Beau needs a damn leash.

Seriously.

Is this a thing?  Do other moms think that about their one wild child?  We thought Jack was crazy...but then Beau started walking.  He is BEAUZILLA, y'all.

*stomp* *stomp* *stomp*

He will tear through this house tearing things off walls, pushing over chairs and barreling through Lucky, the Rottweiler.

And -- He doesn't want to be held!  He will literally dive head first out of your arms, push off your chest, stiffen up, scream or climb over your head and down your back to get out of your arms. 

Forget a stroller unless he's tired....which he never is.

He can walk and he wants to walk.  He's frighteningly independent and demanding.

All of you need to stop laughing, smirking and nodding your heads.  Just quit it.

He needs a leash.

It's a good thing he's so cute.

We have really been enjoying this fall weather.  And by "fall" I mean 80% humidity (instead of 120%) and 70 degrees (vs 95).

Thankfully, "fall" made it in time for Halloween since Jack decide that he wanted to be a Cheetah.  He kept asking us "what is the fastest animal?"  We would say either a puma or a cheetah .... and then he wanted to see them race to prove what we told him.  He's a "trust but verify" sort of dude.  And, since we watch all sorts of random zoo animal videos on YouTube....seeing a puma and a cheetah in a 100m dash seemed like a completely normal request to him. 

"Cheetah Jack"

For actual Halloween, he was Spider-Man, of course.  "Spider-Man Jack" to be exact.

Showing Beau how it's done.

Jack....you are wearing a mask...stop lurking...people will get the wrong idea.  They aren't home!

Up to no damn good...these two....Brenny and Beau!

Fellow supa hewoes, Brenny and Jack!

 

We get these boys outside a lot to run down their batteries....and we are lucky enough to have kiddos across the street from us and some good friends with kids the same age to help with the tiring out process.

Brothers on our run/walk home from school and daycare.

Big Head Fred.

Jack catching his first fish at the SPYC fishing tournament!

Typical Sunday for Beau

Typical Sunday for Jack

Preschool is a trip.  

Is anyone else as shocked as I am at what 3 year olds know?  I'm not talking about Jack, in particular, but all of them!  Did we know our ABCs, 123s (to 100!) and how to argue our requests/cases at THREE?  I don't feel like we did.  I feel like I'm still working on counting correctly, some days.

Jack is doing really well though - thriving, minding, learning, helping, making friends and coming home to tell us all about it.  He's been getting his "high five awards" each week and we like to celebrate those because we know he works hard for those.  He loves his teacher, Mrs. Silk, who says "He's very task oriented, very organized in his thoughts and actions.  He walks in and immediately wants his list of things to do so that he can check them off and achieve his goal/high five award for the day."

I don't know where he would get such a trait.

More from school:

Guess who dressed Jack that day?  Yes, Jack did.  #PickYourBattles

"Walrus Jack"

Guess who the giant kid is in the middle? Yes,  that's Jack in the blue shirt.

Recent Jackisms:

*visiting Shelly, our daycare provider*

Shelly: "Jack, do you want another brother or a sister"

Jack:  "yes, a sister"

Jack: "we will name her Gabby"

Well, I'm glad that is already planned out.

*while cleaning up the playroom*

Jack:  "Mom,  you know how Beau's milk comes out of your nostrils?"

me:  "um, you mean 'nipples'?"

Jack: "Yeah, yeah.  Those.  Cows have those too.  Can we get a pet cow?"

No.  We can not get a pet cow.  Thank you for asking.

Jack learning about cows at school...hence, the nipple/nostril confusion.

*watching college women's soccer on TV*

Jack:  "Why are the girls playing?  Girls can't play soccer"

me: "Hold the phone, why not?"

Jack:  "Girls don't play sports"

Oh you think so, kid?  Momma's got skills you've never seen before!

*playing with his "supa hewo" Little People*

me: "Oh cool, you have them all lined up ready to save the day!  Wait.  Where is Wonder Woman and Super Girl"

Jack:  "They don't count"

Me:  "Uh, why not?"

Jack:  "Girls, Momma.  Girls can't be supa hewoes"

Allow me to show you my cape.

If he keeps on....he'll be getting broccoli and green beans in his fancy lunchbox.

  

Milestones, Family and Normal Things

When I'm at red lights or on planes or standing in line somewhere WITHOUT my phone buzzing in my hand, I often recollect on the insanity that is family, parenthood and motherhood.  I have a little giggle to myself about all of the things that moms and dads know are just a normal part of parenthood....dirty hand prints on white walls, poop as a normal topic of conversation, sleep struggles, eating struggles, hitting, biting, pushing, backtalk, penis/vagina discussions, etc, etc, etc. You may not have experienced all of those, but you've at least experienced SOME....and THEN SOME.

We are on a new routine around here with Jack being in preschool and Mary no longer coming down to help out every week.  Luckily, we are still able to all sleep until 7am (yes, I know many of you are up MUCH earlier than that for commutes).  But once the little car light turns green?  

All hell breaks loose.  

(yes, somehow this contraption is being taken very seriously by my three year old.  The alarm is set for 7am - which is when the red light goes off and the green light comes on.  That's when he knows he can get out of bed.)

It's literally a three ring circus until we get out the door at 8am....and Matt does it alone for three days every week.  He's great at it though -- patient, calm, firm.  Every now and then, though, we have a Jackism type of morning....

It's 7:10...Jack is getting himself dressed (thank God for this kid who likes to do this and is usually good at it).  Matt is at his sink/mirror shaving.  I'm just stepping out of the shower, drying myself off when Jack walks into our bathroom.

Jack:  *very worried* "Mom, where's your PENIS?"

Me:  "Well, mommies don't have penises, just daddies."

Jack:  "Oh, that's right.  Have you seen daddy's penis?"

Me:  *smirking*  "Yes.  Yes, I have."

Jack:  *stretching his arms just as wide apart as he can* "It's SO BIG, Mom.  I mean, REEEAAALLY big."

Matt: *silent, yet smiling from ear to ear while still shaving at the mirror*

Jack:  "And, he swings it back and forth like this" *swinging his whole body from side to side*

OMG.

You just can't make this stuff up.

I really believe that taking care of these two little crazeballs is very much like taking care of my drunk friends in college.  So, in essence, college prepared me for life....just not necessarily the part I thought it would prepare me for.  So many of the conversations are the same as they were back then:

Why is the floor sticky?

Why is it when you want me to hold something that it's always wet?

Where are your shoes?

You need pants.

Do not kick your brother in the chest.

Do not squeeze your brother that hard.

Yes, I know you love him hard.

Beau - get out of the water bowl. It's not a splash pad.

You can not wear a sweater to school. It's August. In Florida.

Do not scale the stairs. You can barely walk.

Why does it take you 30 minutes to eat a piece of toast?

YOU NEED PANTS. 

Needless to say, we had a fun summer with lots of pool time and ..... fun with Grandma.  Mary took Jack on all sorts of fun adventures everyday.  They went to all of the museums in the area, gymnastics, the beach and even on (boring) errands like the grocery store and the dry cleaners.  Honestly though - Everything is entertaining with Jack talking to you!

 

Sometimes you just need to hang by the pool with pool rings on your head and a cold beverage. #SummerTime

Milestones are everywhere these days....and as I'm working through the emotion of weaning Beau from breastfeeding (THANK GOD we made it a year), Jack is starting preschool and getting a big kid room.  It's a lot for even a somewhat new inexperienced momma to handle.  There are days that I still feel very new to all of this...but I guess that feeling never goes away as you experience new things with your always growing kiddos.

 

 

We are a full fledged pre-schooling family now though....complete with making lunches every day, car lines and new friends.  I was super nervous for Jack to start school.  He's always super polite, a good sharer and does well in new environments...but has an angry streak the size of Texas in him when you tell him no to certain things.  And, good luck trying to figure out what those certain things are.  Upon his first pickup after school he told me "I made new friends, I ate my lunch and I took a nap."

Well, I guess I can't ask for much more than that.  #SuccessAtThree

"Momma!  I saved the day at school today!"

Jack also got an updated room to go with his updated new preschool life.  He's officially a big kid with a big kid bed.  Again, with the #tears.

 

Meanwhile, back at the ranch -- Beau Bear is turning ONE (#tears)....and we had some family photos made to mark the milestone.

 

  

 

He's become the new version of "wild man" as he's into everything, very demanding (give me the FOOD, lady!) and will yell at whoever he needs to get what he wants.  Where Jack was cautious, Beau is scaling the side of the house.  Where Jack was a snuggler, Beau is all business (1. Breast. 2. Crib.  Thanks, lady.).  Where Jack is tentative SOMETIMES, Beau is full speed ahead and is walking, teetering and falling everywhere.  

Do not consider - even for a second, that he will want to be held or strapped into something.

Not. Happening.

He walks, walks, walks....but mostly like a tiny drunk person with his hands above his head or holding on to his sippy cup.  When he gets super excited he walks really fast and leans his big head forward....and tumbles right over his feet.  It's only funny when the glass door isn't in front of him.  #HeartAttacksByTheSecond

 

 It's been one wild year of ups and downs and turn all arounds.....breast pumping in random places, arguing with TSA about their own rules on breastmilk, learning how to baby-proof our house on STEROIDS, teaching Jack that Beau isn't QUITE big enough to tackle yet (and then trying to explain away the tackle/choke hold move that Beau tries to put on Jack), lots of penis talk, super hewoe dress up time, Jack and Beau's scooter/tricycle time, skinned knees, Seminole game fun, Disney time and lots of love.

You Just Can't Beat the Memories

My baby nugget turned 10 months old and I was a puddle over it.  He's almost walking...and I find myself pushing him down (moreso than Lucky and Jack do just for fun).  Beau is my go with the flow, wild man.  My speed crawling, food demanding, bull BEAR in a China shop.

But how did we ever exist without him?  It's weird how these things evolve.

If you would have told me 10 years ago that I'd hop in an SUV and drive 8 hours with two children under the age of 4, I would have told you that you clearly didn't know me very well.

But you just can't beat the memories.

Ya see, if I'd have known that my 3 year old was going to be so damn funny ("MOM. I need lemolade";  "Mom, let me ask you a question";  "MOM - You roar now!")....or that my 10 month old belly laughed at ALL my jokes....maybe I would have done it sooner.


Because you just can't beat the memories.

Matt had to work in preparation for going to San Diego for two weeks.  I wasn't sure I was strong enough or ready enough or sane enough to do it alone - but we did it, y'all.  Me and the boys, that is. We drove from Tampa to Pensacola....and no one got hurt, had an accident, got at ticket or left a child in a bathroom.

I have to brag on them -- they are PERFECT travelers (plane AND car, now!).  The only complaining that happened was in the final 30 minutes of both car rides....and honestly?  That's FAR LESS COMPLAINING than when we spend a day around the house, so I'll take it.

You just can not beat the memories.

Jack is a one fun little dude who never stops moving.....both his feet and his mouth.  I get compliments on how polite he is to everyone else, but I never get that sort of treatment.  I get the backtalk -- and it's so damn funny sometimes that I have to get up and walk away before I discipline.
"No, momma, I'm in charge!  I give you a panking!"

Lord Help Me.

Meanwhile, Beau is speed crawling for the nearest toilet so that he can play like he's at the splashpad.

But you really can't beat the memories....even if you have to keep sanitizing.


There's nothing I love more than having other people experience my boys.....the intensity, the energy, the eager beaver ambition to take on anything.  It's seriously such a thrill for me to have other people in awe of the nonstop movement.  I feel like no one really believes me when I tell them about it.

My mom was astonished that Jack literally ran through the entire zoo.  He ran to each animal exhibit, between the exhibits and would have probably ran next to the train if they would have let him.  And, Beau -- even though he can't run yet....he spends all of his energy flirting with the nearest pretty girl. Like father, like son.

 

My dad couldn't believe that Jack only wanted to be outside even though it was 100 degrees with 100% humidity. I mean, my face was literally melting off my body....and Jack was soaked with sweat, but all he could do was yell at me to "pitch the ball, momma - you're the pitcher, I'm the batter!"

We visited so many people while we were home this time -- I finally felt like we were there long enough and not rushed.

We hit up the zoo, where Jack roared at all of the lions, tigers and bears (OH MY!).  Beau literally tried to fling himself out of the stroller trying to get to the monkeys and the geese (which subsequently, almost too Jack's fingers off)

We swam with Michael Phelps (aka, Brenny)...

 

Every day, we had to ride on the tractor and feed the fish.  Every. Day.



But you can't beat the memories....even of the annoying 6 am fish feeding requests.

DJ, Tony and Esmee (mostly Tony) got a healthy dose of Jack's energy too with the constant "LET'S WRESTLE" -- and we learned that Beau is likely to take Jack out one day soon because Beau already likes to get in on this wrestling action.

Poor Esmee got to experience bathtime with my two crazeballs where Beau flopped around like a fish out of water trying to grab Jack's penis....and Jack poured water on everyone's head - including mine.

(what the hell is going on here??)

My other sweet sister Lisa and her crew also got to experience my little circus.  I have to believe they were amazed at Jack's energy and excitement about getting in the pool....because he kept everyone busy all afternoon with his cannon balls and "throw me in! let's do it again!" requests.  (Thank you to Travis Smith and Uncle Tony!)

We visited with a couple of my high school friends -- where we tried to show Jack video that I was a cheerleader in high school.  I was so proud of my glory days...the infamous "mall competition."

There are not words to describe his level of disinterest.  ("mom, we go to pool now?")


But you just can't beat the memories...even of the disinterest in how cool his mom was in high school.

*******************************

We visited all sorts of parks and places while we were home, but particularly loved Benny Russell park where we met my cousin Brittany and her hubby and kiddos.  Jack couldn't contain his excitement and ran around like a wild pig for a good hour before declaring his hunger

 

 

The ride home was a real pain in the ass for me because it rained cows the entire way home....but the boys slept and watched movies.  Well, Jack watched movies and Beau giggled at Jack's sound effects and chewed on his Garanimals golf club while watching me grit my teeth in the mirror for 7 hours.

All of this...to only come home to the dentist and a cavity.  God, I hate the dentist (it's the lectures and the drills and the picks - no, thanks, man)....mine and Jack's, but Jack did beautifully.  While he was getting his cavity fixed, he told the dentist that he was an astronaut and he was going to outer space soon on his motorcycle, but that he'd wear a helmet ("safety first!").

You can teeth-shame me all you want, but Jack's love of fruit will likely rot all of his teeth out.

But you just can't beat the memories....even of the first cavity.