It's Mother's Day, Please Stop...

"Please stop touching your penis."

"Do you have to potty?"

"No?"

"Then stop touching your penis."

Is there anything funnier than waking up to a Marching Chief?

It was Mother's Day.

There wasn't a gift, but rather the promise of one that I could pick out myself.  My husband is practical and logical, that way, but I'm more emotional and non-logical about so all I knew was that there was no gift.

So, to Church we went....

"Stop touching your penis.  It's still there, I promise."

(How long does this last??)

See....Mass is right in the middle of Beau's morning naptime, so it's always a bit of a struggle, but today - on Mother's Day - he decided to really let me earn my title.  See...he doesn't cry as much as he yells at you when you don't do what he wants you to.  And he squirms and rolls and wriggles until you want to SNAP.

"Stop touching your penis."

"Do you have to potty?"

"No?"

"Then stop touching your penis."

"Please don't roll your cars up and down the pews.  Stop banging the dinosaurs on the back of the pew."

We finally make it out of Church only for the whining to start from Jack....

"I want....I need....Momma, do this....Momma, do that..."

OMG.

*It's Mother's Day*

We arrive home and I immediately put Beau down for a nap only to find one poop disaster after another from here on out.  The conversation generally goes like this:

Me:  Who has poop in their pants??

Matt:  "Not me!"

Jack: "Nope!"

*stop touching your penis*

Lucky??

Nope...Beau....poop everywhere.

*It's Mother's Day*

We to go lunch....Jack proceeds to literally poke Matt 4000 times during lunch causing Matt to ALMOST snap...and we get back into the car....same conversation:

Me:  Who has poop in their pants??

Matt:  "Not me!"

Beau:  "zzzzzzz"

Me:  "Well, Lucky isn't here"

Jack:  "I have poop!"

*It's Mother's Day*

Post lunch....No one naps...least of all me....so we go in the pool, where?  You guessed it!  Someone poops! (not Matt, not me, not Lucky)

*It's Mother's Day*  And even though I cleaned up more poop than I wanted to, listened to more whining than necessary and never got around to picking out my gift....it was all good because Beau said "ma ma."

SOLD.

So, potty training is a real hoot  -- but here's the good news:  WE'VE TURNED A CORNER.

The potty training is 98% complete - complete with dry naptimes and dry night times!!  Jack has really turned it around and I can't say enough good things about his (previously undesirable) great attitude.  The kid is READY for preschool and we are excited to see him thriving!!

The fun did continue the morning after Mother's Day....

Jack can now get up by himself  to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.  He also gets up in the mornings, goes to the bathroom and gets himself dressed (sometimes on backwards and not matching, but we have to start somewhere).

Imagine my surprise when he arrives in our room at 4:50 am, shining his flashlight about an inch from my face...in his loudest possible "whisper voice":

Jack:  "MOMMA.  MOMMA.  The nightlight out.  You fix it."

Me:  "Babe, we will just use your flashlight as the nightlight for now so that we can all go back to sleep"

Jack:  "MOMMA.  FIX THE NIGHTLIGHT."

I sense that unless I figured this out, no one was sleeping.....and after searching for 15 minutes, I had to steal Beau's nightlght bulb to keep the peace.

Jack:  "I knew you'd fix it, momma."

That kid pushes me to my limits but then makes me realize that I'll do just about anything for sleep.

He'll be a great people developer one day....pushing people to rise above their previously determined limits.  LOL.  (one must try to always find the positive, right?)

For the love of God, please let us always keep nightlight bulbs and batteries of all shapes, sizes and quantities on hand for all of eternity.

Amen.

That time I wouldn't let Jack eat the blueberry on the grocery store floor and he gave me this look.  #GRUMP

Since our last update, little Beau Bear turned 8 months old...and he's a BIG BOY, even bigger than Jack was at his age, so I have to assume that he'll be tackling Jack in no time.

Beau was baptized this past Sunday and we had a ton of family and friends in attendance.  It was a great day - and went remarkably smooth considering how many people we were trying to please over the course of 5 days!

It was Beau's day, but - true to form - Jack is waving to his fans.

Aunt Teen/Godmother with Baby Beau

Beau was sleeping until this point....ha!

Grandma and Grandpa with Baby Beau!

  Momma's little cowboy!

 

Esmee learning about trucks!

Esmee and Beau discussing binkies

Jack sharing his popsicle with Beau

All of Meme's babies!

All the babies!

 And for your further entertainment....some recent Jackisms:

Grandma: "We finally turned the corner on potty training"

Jack: "what corner?  there was no corner!"

DJ and Dondi: "Meme is crazy"

Jack:  *hands on hips* "She is NOT CRAZY!!!"

Jack: "T-O-Y,  NO!"

(Jack's version of "N-O, No")

Me:  "Jack, what time is it?"

Jack:  "o'clock, momma, o'clock"

With all of this going on, though, isn't every day MOTHER'S Day?

*stop touching your penis*

Perspective. Everyone Needs a Healthy Dose.

Sometimes we get all caught up in the moment.

A simple series of unfortunate events turns into a bad day....then a bad weekend...then you start worrying about BROAD topics like if you're raising caring and compassionate kids or if you're paying too much for preschool tuition (you want HOW MUCH for him to go to PREschool??).

This happened to us a few weeks ago.  It started with a sleepless night for our teething baby Beau.  It continued with a grumpy Jack at soccer, which sent me over the edge because "what are we paying for if you're just going to stand in the middle of the field and pout."

We arrive home to dog puke on the rug and spilled orange juice all over the kitchen.

As I'm wiping the sticky floor, I realize the laundry list of things that needs to be completed before we have Beau's Baptism.

Meanwhile, Jack is like a ping pong ball around the house making demands and threats.

Then there was the shattered back glass of the SUV - for no apparent reason - and a car company that said it wasn't under warranty.

And don't even mention the fact that no one wanted to take a nap (except me) and no one wanted to apologize for anything (Lucky??  Jack??  Anybody??).

All of this...on the day we are to take family photos.  

It was a rough day that needed to end......or start over.  I couldn't figure out which one I wanted.

<Siiiiiiigh>

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We were having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

For real.

We needed to rally.  We needed to pull this sh*tshow together and make the best of our series of unfortunate events.
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Then....then, someone shed some new light on us.  

We needed a new perspective and we needed to remember what was important.

Moreover, *I* needed to remember what was important.

Here's my healthy dose of reality, thanks to Shannon Drawbaugh:

All That Matters

Boys.

Lots and Lots of Boys.

There are smells in my house that I am not sure about.  It never fails that they all point to the other one when I ask "what is that smell?" -- I'm convinced even Lucky is in on the joke.

Bodily functions are all the rage in this house.  Potty training is slow though.  "When he's ready, he will" is what I'm told.  Well, he better hurry up because I'm going to have to start buying Depends instead of Pampers soon.

We clean a lot of toilets around these parts....because when Jack chooses to use it, he mostly misses.

So, there's that.

I think things are going well, but sometimes I can't tell.  I can't see the forest for the trees.  The boys are thriving....and Matt and I are surviving.  

Parenting....it's all joy and no fun.  (no, really, there's a whole book about it by Jennifer Senior)  Everyone probably has their own take, but the book is about how children reshape our lives - for better or worse.  It's stressful and fun and joyful and stressful.

"We are furiously improvising our way through a situation for which there is no script."

WORD.  What SHE said.

Jennifer's take is similar to my own....parenting isn't always sunshine and rainbows.  And that's ok.  I don't remember pre-children marriage being that way either.  And I CERTAINLY don't think back on my single days as constantly blissful either.

(She also has an interesting Ted Talk regarding how lack of paid leave in the US adds to this ever stressful existence of being a parent.  I'm thrilled and lucky to work for a company that offers 16 weeks of paid maternity leave, so I really can NOT complain.

In some cases, we are thankful that kids give us this new outlook and desire to show them the world....and in other cases, we'd rather be at the St. Patty's Day parade drinking green beer rather than the toddler soccer field.

There's certainly give and take.

Friday night pub crawls have been reduced to a beer and a glass of wine between us laughing about all the crazy things that Jack said....or how sweet and happy Beau is.

Saturday “sleeping in” has been replaced by babies in the bed and cartoons on the TV by 8 am, but the snuggles are so sweet.  The kicks in the face?  Not so much.

All Joy.  No Fun.

  

It wasn't fun signing up Jack for preschool this week.  I got choked up when the nice lady was taking his paperwork and telling me about how the teachers will take care of him.  No, no, no, no, no.  *I* will take care of him, lady.  Me.  His Momma.  I don't want them to take care of him because I don't want this.  I don't know what I want, but I know it's not a picture of my sweet, small, very young three year old walking down a school hallway and into a classroom.

Except that.....I know it's what he needs.  And he will love it.  And I will love watching him love it.  And I will shed my tears and mourn his aging without him knowing...like my momma likely did for me.

All Joy.  No Fun.

We've moved on from toddler basketball to toddler soccer.  It's the same sort of chaotic thing that you know all about already.  Jack is bigger than the other kids, not quite sure how to control his body and gets pushed around a little, which is good for him.  Although, some Hulk-like kid pushed him down last Saturday.  I *almost* flew out of my own skin.  He handled it well...and didn't actually punch the kid in the face, which is what I was likely doing at his age.

I *did* have to tell Meme not to coach Jack to push the other kids when they push him.  LOL.  Lord Have Mercy.  If you tell Jack that - he WILL sock them in the face and take the ball.

*control the rage, people....control the rage*

All Joy.  No Fun.

Lots of people ask us about why we go to Disney all the time.  First and foremost, one of the greater joys of parenting is watching your kid's head explode in excitement over Mickey Mouse.  Secondly, while it's a lot of prep work and a long day trip, Jack's level of enjoyment outweighs any work that we put into the day.  Matt and I love riding the rides with him and hearing him ask to do it again and again and again.  Nothing is funnier than him asking to see Elsa.

"Momma - We go see Merida.  She pretty. Then I shoot the bow."

All Joy.  No Fun.

  

So pumping on the road is an adventure.

(If there are men that read this blog - Scroll through this section if you don't want to read my funny stories about breastmilk extraction, packaging and transportation.  It's a hoot.  Pun intended.)

I was at an off site meeting a few weeks back.  One of my managers coordinated with the on site facilities manager to have a place for me to pump and store the milk in the freezer in my thermal bag.   Everything went really well....until the end of the day.  The catering manager happened to be at the end of the day happy hour and very loudly asked me why I didn't want to eat his food.

Me:  What do you mean?  I ate the catered food for lunch.

Catering Manager:  Then what's in the bag in my freezer?

<please don't do this sir>

Catering Manager (even louder):  Well if you're going to store something in my freezer, then I should know what it is.  So WHAT IS IT?!

<please don't make me do this sir>

Catering Manager: Hello?

Me:  Well....  It's BREASTMILK.  You happy now?  It's breastmilk in the freezer.  I pump 6 times a day to feed my infant son at home in Tampa.  So, there.  It's BREASTMILK.

*drops mic*

Guy Standing Next To Us:  Come on, man.  Did you have to keep asking her??

Complete and utter mortification is the only term I know to use to describe the look on his face as he started to back peddle and apologize.

Me:  No need to apologize.  I'm not the one who's embarrassed.

All Joy.  No Fun.

TSA has gotten a lot better now that they know they'll see me each week.  I go to the same line every week, so as to develop a little consistency...which has helped.  There were some bumps though....like Spring Break week, new TSA agents and a gaggle of college guys behind me in the security line.  I was desperately trying to hold on to my "I used to be a cute college girl, but now I'm a cute professional girl" thing that I thought I had going....right up until the TSA agent engaged in *this* conversation:

TSA agent:  (loudly and with unnecessary authority) Ma'am - You realize that you can't take this through security?

Me: (quietly) Ummm, no - why not?

TSA agent:  Because you can't take liquids (laughing)

Me:  (quietly) It's all frozen.

TSA agent:  Well you're going to have to explain to me what it is.

Me:  (quietly) breastmilk.

TSA agent:  (loudly and with unnecessary authority) Ma'am - You're going to have to speak up if you want to make it through security today.

Me:  (*totally lost it*) IT'S BREASTMILK.  Ok?  It's breastmilk.  I'm a breastfeeding mother of two and it's three days worth of frozen breastmilk.  108 ounces to be exact.  I'm a milk factory.  So, there.  Can I go now?

TSA agent: yep.

Me:  (raising my hands to the college guys) WHAT?!  Move on.

All Joy.  No Fun.

The boys though...?  The boys are SO FUN.  Check 'em out:

Beau is my little piggy baby, but has been sitting up with ease since right before his 6 month birthday.  He's in the 95th percentile on weight and height, which he'll need to be in order to hang with big brother Jack.

 

We are already seeing signs of crawling.  I know he's desperate to keep up with Jack.  His whole face lights up when he hears or sees Jack so I know he's anxious to get moving.  Me, on the other hand, is not so excited about that....where did the time go? *sniffle*

Jack is loving having Grandma hang with him on Wednesdays after gymnastics!  They go to the beach, to the park, to feed the birds/fish, to the pet store and to run errands.  He loves the one on one attention!

All Joy....and lots of fun too, folks....because at the end of the day, this stuff...right here:

....is all that matters.

Here's What I Know.

Family Selfies are not a perfect science.....but here we are!

I read an article the other day about what mommas before me DIDN’T warn me about.  

It talked about all the things that you are warned about when  you’re pregnant (no more “me” time, no more alone time with your husband, puke/spit up always on your shirt, always being tired, no time to wash your hair or shower, etc).  

But what about all the good stuff?  Well, the mommas before me always told me “you’ll see” – even my own momma ingrained this saying into my head “you’ll know when you have your own.”

So I started to think on that a bit….and, boy, do I know now.  Literally.

I know about a love that I didn’t even know existed.  You guys remember how much I loved my dogs, Damien and Daisy?  I used to compare that love to what my other friends knew about having children.  The truth is – you have no idea until you have your own.  NO IDEA, people.  I know I’m preaching to the choir, but it’s so nice to be able to look at other mommas and know that they know that same love too.

I know about a joy that makes my heart explode every time I watch a toddler tee ball or toddler basketball game....even if it's total chaos!

Or that joy when your infant son “finds his feet” – whoa!

"uhm, hey lady - did you know that I had two of these things??"

I know my heart smiles when Jack wants to “send Meme a meem mail on the puter”….

Or when Jack “MAgot” something (i.e., forgot)…  “Momma – you magot my iPad!”

I know about my OWN excitement when Jack asks me to play with him (“Mom – you play supa hewoes?”)….or the energy that runs through the house when DAD and Jack play supa hewoes.

....and the joy of Beau trying to figure out what is going on!

I know that horrific feeling of being a “non-present” parent when my three year old says “you put phone down.”

I know about pain and hurt when my child hurts.  It's like no other feeling.  Even the smallest of things that concern him - concern me.  We gave up the pacifier for good....and it's been REALLY going well.  He only mourned the loss for a night (no tears, just sad faces and concern).  I mourned it with him as he said goodbye to this object that represented his infancy.

Now, if he'd just sleep again.  That would be neat.

(Is he the only kid that talks to himself and his stuffed animals for HOURS before passing out??)

I know of no bigger frustration than when your toddler talks back….or YELLS back.  

*do not smack the child*  

*walk away from the child*

I know the true feeling of "momma bear" when bigger kids pick on Jack.  He tends to fend for himself just fine, but I have to hold back every ounce of my being not to hurt a little kid for hurting MY little kid.

(Lord, give me the patience and strength)

I know of true rage (and comedy) when that same three year old makes his "angry face" at me by scrunching up his nose and putting his hands on his hips and tells me "you're not in charge, momma!"

*never let them see you laugh when you're supposed to be serious*

I know of no bigger confusion than my toddler who doesn’t mind sitting in a dirty diaper.  Here’s the thing (that you already know): until they care about NOT sitting in a dirty diaper, there really is no potty training…….  We tried the other way around and he trained us to ask him or take him potty every 45 minutes.  That worked REALLY well, but the one or two times I “magot” to set the timer – he just went in his pants….and he didn’t mind.  SO.  When he’s tired of that, he’ll have to let me know.  I hope it’s prior to his 15^th birthday.  

I know about the feeling of RELIEF that these two boys of mine love each other (for now?).

  

I know about a happiness that transcends all of the negative things I was told about having babies.

I know about a love for a man that makes it all work for our family.  That love has strengthened over the years as we’ve added to our family and I see the way that he takes care of us all.  We may not have a typical family.  I don’t think we WANT a typical family.  We may not do it the way your family does it.  But, it works for us….and our family, careers and lifestyles.  

People have funny reactions when I tell them that I travel.  Yes, I travel for my job.  I find that it gives our family a nice balance.  Seriously!  I know that my awesome husband needs a couple of days without me in his ear…..a couple of days with his boys and no momma around to make a mountain out of every molehill or scratched knee.

I get lots of reactions about how we may or may not be feeding Beau, so I want to say…..  Yes.  I travel.  And I pump milk for Beau 7 times/day while I’m on the road.  I freeze it and I take it through TSA security without issue and we use it without fail.

Is it hard?  Yes.

Is it worth it?  Yes.

Did I over think it and stress out about it to the point of creating a “breastfeeding tracker?”  Yes.

Do I worry about it all? Yes.

Will I be glad when he’s a year old and I stop breastfeeding?  I’m not sure.  Maybe.  Maybe not.  We will cross that bridge when we get to it.  I will likely mourn that loss just like I did when Jack moved on from breastfeeding at 13 months.

I know about a desperate need to find balance that works for me and my love and partner in crime, Matt.  We take it day by day – and only plan a couple of weeks in advance so as to keep the calm.  I travel Tuesday-Thursday right now and Matt’s mom comes down to help with the kiddos while I’m away.  This allows Matt some balance in the mornings/afternoons for work.  It’s hard right now, but once Beau is a little older, can sit up and eat more solids – it’ll get easier.  I don’t want to wish this time away though….because I know I’ll want it back in an instance.  I may not enjoy the stress of Monday mornings, but I sure love all the smiles, giggles and good times on Saturdays and Sundays.

I know that my heart will never be the same.

-------------------------

From our latest Disney Trip:

  

Both the boys had a "birthday" this month....Jack turned THREE and we celebrated with lots of family and friends at the Zoo.  He had a blast and decided to only eat icing for an hour.  He was awake for days.

 

We flew on Jack's ACTUAL birthday so he wore his hat and his shirt and got LOTS of attention from the pilots and flight attendants.  He was so proud!

And, our little Beau Bear made it 4 whole months with the circus and I think he has decided that he likes us.  We sure do love that kid!